CALL TO ACTION #2

FORGIVING YOURSELF

Sometimes the most difficult person you will ever have to forgive is yourself.

Forgiving yourself follows the same process as forgiving others. Whether the pain comes from circumstances beyond your control or from choices you regret, you still have to "Face It, Release It, Replace It" in order to walk in true healing. Remember, when guilt or shame linger, they can fuel self-destructive behaviors, self-punishment, or a sense of worthlessness. In these moments, self-forgiveness is not an option – it is a critical first step toward breaking harmful patterns and reclaiming freedom in your life.

Using the Ambassadors of Compassion process “Face It, Release It, Replace It,” you now have the tools to begin forgiving yourself.

Face It . . .

Release It . . .

Forgive Yourself for Hurting Yourself

Now, visualize apologizing to yourself and showing yourself love, support, and compassion for what you have done to hurt yourself.

Replace It . . .

As you continue the process of self-forgiveness, make a deliberate choice to show yourself love, support, and compassion. Choose to embrace the freedom that self-forgiveness makes possible.

As you forgive yourself, what are some healthy thoughts you can think about to replace your old thoughts of shame and guilt for hurting yourself or someone else?

For example, you can tell yourself:

• “I didn’t mean to hurt myself. Now that I have forgiven myself, I can move on.”
• “I meant to hurt myself, but now that I have forgiven myself, I can let go of the past and focus on my future.”
• “I didn’t mean to hurt that person. It was an accident. But now that I have forgiven myself, I can receive peace.”
• “I meant to hurt that person, but now that I realize what I have done and have forgiven myself. I’m now choosing to let it go so I can replace my guilt and shame with freedom so I'm better equipped to not deliberately hurt others in the future.”

When the forgiveness process feels complicated . . .

Not feeling the full benefits of forgiving yourself or others right away doesn’t mean you’re failing or unwilling to heal. Forgiveness cannot be forced or performed on demand. It unfolds when there is enough safety, understanding, and capacity to engage with the hurt honestly. Many people start with "Face It" and need time to feel and process the pain. And then you can move onto "Release It." And when you’re ready, you move towards "Replace It." Sometimes you will go in and out of these steps throughout the process, but remember it is important to go through the entire process of "Face It, Release It, Replace It" to receive the full benefits.

This process can sometimes unfold gradually. You may need time to understand what happened, grieve what was lost, rebuild a sense of stability, or restore your identity before the fullness of forgiveness is experienced. Healing takes time.

CALL TO ACTION #3

ASKING OTHERS FOR THEIR FORGIVENESS

Asking others for their forgiveness is an important part of healing, especially when your words or actions have caused them harm. It requires honesty for what you’ve done, humility, and courage to take responsibility. Asking someone for forgiveness can sometimes be harder than forgiving yourself.

Seeking forgiveness is not about relieving your own discomfort or forcing reconciliation. It is about acknowledging another person’s experience and owning your role, potentially opening the possibility for repair. Even when forgiveness is not immediately given to you by the other person – or never given – the act of taking responsibility to ask for their forgiveness for what you’ve done can bring growth and a sense of peace and freedom to both people.

Here are a few tips for asking others for forgiveness:

• Be specific about what you did and how you think it affected the other person
• Try not to defend, explain, or justify your behavior
• Start with “I’m sorry for . . .”
• Listen to their response without interrupting or correcting
• Try to understand instead of being understood
• Focus on repair, not on being forgiven
• Accept that forgiveness may not lead to restored trust or relationship
• Follow your words with changed behavior (otherwise, the apology is useless)

Is there someone that YOU have hurt or offended that YOU need to ask for THEIR forgiveness?

Don’t be discouraged if things didn’t go the way you had hoped and the person chose not to forgive you. They may not be ready to let go of the hurt and pain that you caused them. Nevertheless, you did the right thing by sincerely asking for their forgiveness. You cannot control how that person will choose to respond when you apologize and ask for their forgiveness. However, it’s time for you to move forward whether or not that person ever accepts your apology.

“All of us have our stories of being burned. Whether it’s health issues, losing friendships or loved ones, divorce, financial hardships . . . we’ve all been there.”

That was a very powerful message from John O'Leary. He caused a fire which severely damaged his body, and greatly affected his family. His dad forgave him, and he was able to forgive himself. His suggestions for forgiveness are:

1. . . . Love yourself and who you are – everything that happened in your life has led you to today
2. . . . Choose to be a victor, not a victim – you cannot choose what happened to you, but you can choose how you respond
3. . . . Remember everything that has happened to you can make you a stronger, more powerful, and compassionate person

Growth Mindset is a Superpower

A growth mindset is the belief that abilities and skills can develop through effort and learning, while a fixed mindset assumes these qualities are permanent and unchangeable. Research led by psychologist Carol Dweck shows that people with a growth mindset are more likely to persevere through challenges, learn from setbacks, and improve over time, whereas a fixed mindset can lead to avoidance of difficulty and fear of failure.

Neuroscience supports this distinction through the concept of neuroplasticity – the brain’s ability to change – demonstrating that with the practice of new processes, people can build new neural connections and continue growing throughout life.

The growth mindset concept extends to emotional pain. You can learn, change, and grow from hard experiences. It helps you see forgiveness not as a moment, but as a journey and a lifestyle.

By practicing the processes you’re learning in this LIVE RESILIENT Guide, you’re teaching your brain how to respond to danger. You’re teaching it how to "Face It, Release It, Replace It", to bring freedom to your life. And the more you practice, the better you’ll get.

Growth mindset beliefs that support forgiveness:

• “This hurt won’t define me forever.”
• “I’m strong enough to face and overcome my pain.”
• “I can’t change the past, but I can choose my future.”
• “I am capable of healing.”
• “My emotions won’t always feel this intense.”

With a growth mindset, forgiveness becomes less about what happened to you and more about empowering your own future.

Here are some examples showing how to forgive someone using a growth mindset (and remember, that person could be you). These are the thoughts we tell ourselves.

Example 1: A Friend Betrays Your Confidence

• Fixed mindset: “I’ll never trust anyone again . . . ”
• Growth mindset: “This hurt a lot, but I can learn to choose better friends and set better boundaries. I can talk to them respectfully about how this affected me . . . ”

Example 2: A Person Takes Credit for Your Work

• Fixed mindset: “People always take advantage of me . . . ”
• Growth mindset: “This situation taught me to speak up respectfully. I can use this experience to grow stronger, more confident, and assertive . . . ”

Example 3: Someone Hurts Your Feelings

• Fixed mindset: “They don’t care about me . . . ”
• Growth mindset: “People make mistakes and I can choose how I respond. Forgiving them frees me from carrying this hurt. I can love someone and still feel disappointed at the same time.”

What if I panic

The forgiveness process is not easy. It will be hard. It will hurt, and at times you may have to swallow your pride. Your emotions may feel really big and out of control. That’s normal.

Panic is often less about what is happening now and more about what the brain has learned from past experiences. When hurt, betrayal, or prolonged stress goes unresolved, the brain stores those experiences as potential threats.

This is what’s happening in your brain . . .

When we panic, the brain is responding to perceived threat, not logic. This response originates in the amygdala, a part of the brain responsible for detecting danger and initiating survival responses. The amygdala continuously scans the environment and makes rapid, automatic decisions about safety. It operates far faster than the parts of the brain responsible for reasoning and conscious thought, which is why panic can feel sudden and overwhelming.

When the amygdala perceives a threat – real or imagined – it activates the fight or flight or freeze response by signalling the hypothalamus. This triggers the release of stress hormones and neurochemicals, including adrenaline, noradrenaline, and cortisol. These chemicals increase heart rate, raise blood pressure, speed up breathing, redirect blood to large muscles, sharpen focus, and temporarily suppress digestion and immune activity. Physically, this can cause chest tightness, dizziness, sweating, trembling, nausea, or a feeling of losing control. These sensations are uncomfortable, but they are signs of a nervous system doing exactly what it was designed to do – protect you.

Sometimes your amygdala has a hard time determining a real threat from a perceived threat. It’s like a smoke alarm that’s going off – it thinks there may be fire, when it’s really just burnt toast.

During panic, activity in the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for reasoning, perspective, and emotional regulation, temporarily decreases. This is why panic feels irrational and difficult to “think your way out of.” Calming the brain requires signaling safety back to the nervous system. Slow, deliberate breathing, grounding through the senses, gentle movement, and compassionate self-talk help reduce amygdala activation and lower stress hormone levels. With repetition, these practices strengthen neural pathways that support regulation and resilience, making the brain less reactive over time.

Forgiveness plays a critical role in this process because it helps update the brain’s threat assessment. When hurt is acknowledged, processed, and released, the nervous system no longer needs to remain hypervigilant. Forgiveness does not erase memory, but it reduces emotional charge. Over time, this allows the brain to respond to present circumstances rather than reacting from past wounds, lowering the frequency and intensity of panic responses.

What to do during panic:

• Slow your breathing – inhale through your nose for 4-5 seconds, exhale through your mouth for 6-7 seconds – longer exhales reduce adrenaline and calm the amygdala.
• Ground through the senses – name 5 things you can see, 4 you can feel, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste – this anchors your brain in the present.
• Remind yourself what’s happening – “This is a stress response. I am safe. This will pass.”
• Release physical tension – gently press your feet into the floor, unclench your jaw, place a hand on your chest to activate the calming signals in the nervous system.
• Avoid fighting the sensation – resisting panic often intensifies it.

After the panic passes:

• Reflect on what may have triggered the response
• Identify what old hurt or belief may have been activated
• Consider whether forgiveness – toward someone else or yourself – needs revisiting through your LIVE RESILIENT Guide

Panic is not a personal weakness – it’s a learned response shaped by experience. Triggers are signals, not failures. Forgiveness helps retrain the brain by reducing the emotional weight of past hurt, allowing the nervous system to stand down. With practice (growth mindset), the brain learns that it no longer needs to respond to the present through the lens of the past.

CALL TO ACTION #1

REVIEW - FORGIVING OTHERS

The process of forgiveness takes time. Review the Call to Action, “Face It, Release It, Replace It,” from Session 2. Take some time to reflect on the work you’ve done so far when it comes to forgiving others.

CALL TO ACTION #2

REVIEW - FORGIVING YOURSELF

Forgiving yourself also takes time. It often requires patience with yourself and trusted people who can help you change how you see yourself beyond your mistakes. Through the process of self-forgiveness, you can break cycles of self-punishment and self-sabotage to begin moving towards freedom.

CALL TO ACTION #3

REVIEW – ASKING OTHERS FOR THEIR FORGIVENESS

Throughout life it is inevitable that we will sometimes hurt or offend others, including your friends and family even if it’s not your intention to do so. Make a habit to quickly ask others for their forgiveness as soon as you realize that you have hurt or offended them.